Helping… But Make It Professional

 Before learning counselling skills, I genuinely thought helping someone was easy. If a friend came to me with a problem, I would listen for two minutes and then confidently say, “Just do this, it’ll be fine.” In my head, I was solving lives😔

But the moment we actually started doing counselling practicals, I realised something very important, helping is not the same as counselling😭

The first thing that hit me was active listening. I thought I was listening but I was actually just waiting for my turn to speak. When I tried to fully focus on the other person no interruptions, no planning my reply I noticed they started opening up more. It felt like the conversation became deeper just because I was actually present.

Then came empathy. Earlier, I would relate everything back to myself, like “I’ve gone through this too.” But in counselling, I had to stop doing that and just stay with their feelings. It felt strange at first, but it made the other person feel more understood instead of redirected.

I also learned paraphrasing and reflection, which honestly felt awkward in the beginning 😭 Like why am I repeating what you just said? But when I tried it I saw how it works. It shows that you’re listening, and sometimes it even helps the person hear their own thoughts more clearly.

Then came questioning, which I thought meant asking a lot of questions. Turns out wrong again. 😐 Asking too many questions made it feel like an interview. But when I used open-ended questions, the conversation became more natural, and the other person started thinking deeper about their situation.

Now let’s talk about something that felt very scary confrontation.

Not in an aggressive way but gently pointing out contradictions. Like when someone says one thing but does another. The first time I tried this, I was like, “What if they get offended??” 😭

But when done carefully, it actually helps the person reflect more honestly.

Another skill I didn’t expect was reassurance. As a friend, I would constantly say, “It’ll be okay, don’t worry.” But in counselling, reassurance has to be used carefully. Too much of it can actually stop the person from exploring their feelings. That was a big surprise for me.

Then comes analysing, trying to understand what’s really going on beneath the surface. Not just what the person is saying, but why they might be feeling or reacting that way. This made me realise how much depth there is in even simple conversations.

And finally… silence. My biggest enemy 😭😕

Those few seconds where no one talks and you’re just sitting there thinking,
Say something.
No don’t say something.
Why is this so awkward???

But over time, I understood that silence is not awkward in counselling it’s necessary. It gives the other person space to think and feel, putting all these skills together completely changed how I see conversations. It’s no longer about fixing the problem quickly. It’s about creating a space where the other person feels heard, understood, and able to figure things out for themselves.

So yeah… helping someone is easy.

But helping someone properly? That takes skill😭😌